So uh I heard about the news last night. it was quite.. i didnt know her well. it took me a minute to even remember who she was. But i know I had her in some class. she obviously never had a negative image. She comes across my mind as a really, for lack of a better word, a nice person. genuine. it brings me back to...2004? when he died. it was so unreal back then. and it's more unreal now, because im not even there, where everyone is sad. but of course, even back then I was in high school, he was still in jr. high. I dont know? Death is something not tangent for me. two people I "know" and have seen and can remember, have died. I really honestly do not remember much about my grandmas, except being in the hospital. but them, i saw them, almost on a daily basis at least for a year. and they're not part of this world? It's crazy. In my spanish dialogue for a project, we talk about death so easily. "oh this guy died, he got beheaded"blahblahblah. but really, if it comes to MY people, I dont know. I JUST DONT KNOW HOW I WOULD REACT TO IT. why AM i so touchy about this, even when I wasnt even her friend? when I dont remember her voice, her personality, her anything.
i dont know. imagining death now, not being able to touch them or see anyone again. scares me to the farthest extent possible. even the death of myself is scary i wish, i wish, i wish. I could be like Donne when I meet death.
"Death be not proud....
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die." | 
